…and meaningful conversations.
Hi everyone. It’s me, the boring and depressed Craig Tucker.
My best friend Tweek also has diagnosed depression, but only for a couple months or so. We’re both struggling with problems we can relate to with each other, so it was nice to be able to talk to Tweek about it and he understood. Same thing the other way around.
I think my whole story is worse, though.
When I told him my story and what everyone has been saying and doing for me, he said he was hysterical crying. That and the fact we miss each other…
…But really, I should be the one crying. But my eyes are so dry, it’s incredible. And my soul is so dark… My body is so cold… I have no emotions except for depressed, sad, upset, and angry nowadays.
*Whips around and grabs a tissue* I get so cold that my nose actually runs. It’s amazing. Every now and then I suppress a shiver or two.
I told him about how all of my teachers, counselor, other friends and family are concerned about me.
*My Lit teacher asked me one day “Is everything ok?” since I had been putting off an assignment for so long. So I truthfully answered “No… Not really.” She told me if I ever needed a shoulder to cry on, that I could come and talk to her. It’s kind of creepy, but at least she cares.
*All of my teachers know I don’t raise my hand or speak out. I did only a total of three times so far this year, and each time I did so after class the teacher would come and speak to me saying “How proud they are” and throw other compliments at me that I don’t deserve.
*I am severely shy in real life, it’s painful. I also come off as ‘not approachable’ and people don’t tend to notice me at all. I also have an anxiety disorder which makes matters worse. That and a sensory disorder, but I don’t think that counts.
-So I was talking to my History teacher today. She asked me why I don’t do my homework. I’m so weak that I could only answer “I don’t know.” Even though I do know. I don’t have enough energy, motivation: my homework is supposed to be modified. But no: that’s the only thing they won’t do. So she asked me if I like being a loner. I do… But I also want my friends. So being the stubborn ass I am, just answered “I kinda do,” since I do and I don’t. I don’t have enough energy to thoroughly explain things through.
*My counselor won’t do jack shit. She thinks my problem is “all about meeting new people.” Hell, that’s kind of a reason I ditched my old school: all my friends left, but I somehow didn’t wind up with them. Damn school districts. So my counselor says “Well, maybe you should try talking to them first.” HAHA. No. I can’t, and I refuse. People fear me, and that’s why I have only one friend who for now, we’ll call Clyde.
*During class: and I fucking mean during class: well, it was only PE, but…: I was sitting out because I don’t have enough strength to do the activities. I had my head down buried in my knees because it was a comfortable position. That, and I didn’t want anyone to see my miserable face. So Clyde comes up to me and asks “What’s wrong?” So I basically summed up everything for him, and his conclusion was I should go talk it out with the counselor: SHE DOESN’T EVEN DO JACK SHIT!!
*Sigh* I’m debating whether I should actually post this or not.
…Maybe not.
Continuing on…
*My old Stan is always asking me “What’s wrong?” because my invoice on everything is either completely negative or a one word answer. I used to never do that. I don’t want people worrying and fussing over me. THIS IS ALL I WANT:
1) To be left alone. Don’t talk to me, don’t get near me.
2) Stop having hopes for me or expecting me to do things. My work will never get done: stop expecting it to. [Teachers...]
3) I just want my old/still current friends… I don’t have many, and I miss them so much… their comfort is what I need most right now.
I got some of it tonight, but it won’t last me forever.
Apparently, school for Tweek isn’t exactly Candy Land, either, so we can relate. I told this one bitch off for him.
That’s what real friends do. They stand up for each other and are there for each other.
He listened to my problems and felt for me. What else do I need?
The list above.
Which reminds me… I put a picture of myself somewhere with the words “I MISS YOU” written on my hand in sharpie. Tweek wrote his name on it, symbolizing he’s the one I miss.
That’s true and most of it. My other friends, too, though.
Which brings me to I just got a text from my old Stan saying the exact following: “(: I miss u. Maybe we can hang tomorrow but I’ll need to be the best person I can tomorrow.” ~Nov 20, 11:06 pm Yyyyeahhhh… kinda grounded which sucks.
Umm… One of my old classmates started talking to me over the internet today who I barely ever spoke to.
And he’s a dude.
We were talking about zombies and stuff…
…Don’t even ask.
Now that my stomach is doing flips and I feel like I’m going to puke, I’ll wrap things up.
I’m sorry… I’m sorry…
I don’t know how much longer I’ll continue with blogging… My strength is falling…
-Craig









































